mindless thoughts;

I can't sleep anymore, my pills aren't working, the nightmares keep happening. I close my eyes and instantely I see your face, I can't get you off my mind, I wonder if you feel the same about me? I doubt it. It seems so easy for you. I wish you still wanted us, I don't see how you could not want what he had, it was real. You're not even open to allowing your feelings for me. Because you were unhappy I guess. Its my fault, I should never have stopped my medication. Then maybe you would still want me. Then maybe I wouldn't have pushed you away. I try and try but its never good enough. I want you in my life. I want you to want to even just talk to me. It would make my day if you actually msgd me saying I miss talking to you. But you won't, because you are lying to yourself about this, no one can go that long in a relationship, and just all of a sudden be fine after 3days? I just keep crying because of you, I just want to talk to you. I want to see you, but you don't want that. You want to be alone. I've

I dont even know anymore. People tell me to just let go, move on. But how do you move on from something when you love it so much? I'm never going to move on from you, I don't want to either. Because if I cannot have you, then I don't want anyone else. Because no one will ever be better. I hope someday, you will look back and understand, that you let something special go. Because I'm the most caring, loving, person you will ever meet. I was nothing but nice to you, I gave my everything, I sold pretty much everything I owned to make it work. I put thousands of dollars into our relationship. I would have did anything forr you. You will never find someone as good as me.



On another note, I've decided that its time I do something I have needed to do for quite sometime. I just hope that she will talk to me and hear me out. I know you hate me, I know that I ruined your life(or so you say) but I need to say sorry, and forgive you at the same time in order to let the past go. Because truthfully you have held me back for quite sometime.

I wish I had beer right now, I had been drinking for 2 straight days. I still have beer at dylans, but I'm trying not to given in. I have been tempted to go out and buy more, and just store it in my room and drink it warm. It seems to be the only thing that numbs this pain.