Paralyzed;

"Why is my love so cold? No more will I pretend
Gasping for air as you're slipping through my fingers
Don't kiss me goodbye, please, don't leave here

I'm dying inside, knowing it's my fault
Crying with my fist against the wall
Can't get away, I swear, I'm gonna break
I'm paralyzed, I need you now

The smell of sacrifice, your disappearing whispers
I cannot grasp how my life inside just withers
Don't kiss me goodbye, please, don't leave here

I'm dying inside, knowing it's my fault
Crying with my fist against the wall
Can't get away, I swear, I'm gonna break
I'm paralyzed, I need you now

I need you, I need you now, I need you

Death before I give dishonor, death before I disobey
Death before I give dishonor, death before I disobey
Disobey, disobey

I'm dying inside, knowing it's my fault
Crying with my fist against the wall
Can't get away, I swear, I'm gonna break
I'm paralyzed, I need you now

I need you now"

No words can describe my feelings right now. Last night was a very scary night for me. If it hadn't been for 2 very good friends, then I would have gave up. I would have did exactly what I was thinking about doing. I feel like I'm going insane, I feel that there is no light anymore, I feel the darkness consuming me more and more each day. I don't think I can do this anymore, I really don't. I have tried and tried, I have built myself up so many times to have it taken away. I feel that I've done my part, and it's time to do what has to be done. I've given my all, and it's never once been good enough...I'm so close to that breaking point, there are a few things allowing me to hold on. I tried to be happy, I have, and it never sticks, this thing keeps coming back. I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to overcome this.

I don't know how you people can tell me "I'll always be there for you, no matter what" Where the fuck are you now? Why aren't you here? Why did you fucking leave me? Why did you beat me down? Why did you leave me here bleeding? Why? I can't let it go, I don't understand why people would do this to me.. Am I really a bad person? I feel I deserve better than this..People tell me that those who leave aren't true friends.. But why is it that the ones that I trust everything with are always the ones who spit in my face, and kick me to the ground?

I really cant fucking take it. I want you, and you don't want me, and I can't get passed that. But you seem like it doesn't even effect you? I donb't fucking understand how it's so easy for you, and It kills me. Why? I Just want you in my life, I want you so fucking bad. But you don't want anything about me.. You tell me you love me, you tell me you care, but we can't be together? It makes no sense. I just want a fucking reason, stressful is not a real reason. It feels like you're hiding something. And I can't stop my thoughts, I just want to fucking drink.

That is all.